Yay! December!

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! :)

This is my favorite month of the whole year. I LOVE the holiday season, and everything that comes with it! I've already bought half of the Christmas gifts, and wrapped each one. Wrote out my Christmas cards. Decorated the windows. Just need to put up the tree tonight, and I will be set! I have plenty of vacation time left for this year, so I am taking off work from 12/23 until 1/4.

The only downside to the holidays is that it reinforces my desire to have a baby. Shopping for the babies in the extended family, seeing all the adorable outfits in the mall, thinking of traditions I hope to show my child, it all brings back that fierce yearning in my heart. But deep down, I know what's best for me is to wait at least a few months to get my finances back in order, track my ovulation (or lack thereof), continue to get in better shape, and get everything together. I actually told my mom and sister that I probably won't TTC for a year. Even though I want to try much sooner, I think I will be better off without the added pressure of them anticipating it for me.

I feel amazing.

• It's a three day weekend for me

• I've lost 6 pounds since last Monday

• I have worked out almost every single day

• I have been doing Jillian Michael's workout...OMG she is tough

• I'm getting back my confidence

• I'm getting ready for the holidays

Life is good.

Update

I know I've been MIA, and it's been by choice. I had to take a step back, clear my head and forget about this TTC stuff for the moment, and that is exactly what I did. I've been working out, eating super healthy, being extra productive, spend much less time on the internet. It has done wonders for me. I haven't had insomnia, I have more energy than I've had in months, and my relationship is benefiting from it as well.

I don't know when I will TTC. I don't have a set date in mind anymore, and I am okay with that. I like this "me". This is the "me" I used to be. I'm not talking about since recently, I'm talking about since a couple of years ago, before I ever started researching about TTC.

I am excited for the future, and what it holds for me.

Thank you for the birthday wishes! I had a really nice, low-key kinda b-day. J woke me up with a beautiful card that made me tear up, a gorgeous sterling and multi-colored stone necklace and perfume. My co-workers gave me cards and scratch-off lotto tickets. I won $11 on the scratch-offs, so I got a lovely manicure with that money. My weekend starts tonight because I decided to take tomorrow and Monday off, so I'm going to chill out as much as possible! My mom is having us over for my b-day dinner on Saturday. J and I are spending the day with her sister on Sunday. A lovely, beautiful 4 day weekend.


I must admit I am feeling extremely down with this TTC business. I really wish I could try next month, I guess I will play it by ear. If AF behaves, I just might take the plunge. I feel like I need to at least try soon. I have never been this despondent before....in my life.


Edited to add: I'm sorry if I sound like a downer. I'm trying not to be this way. I know that I haven't been on this journey for that long at all, but it's something I have been researching and planning for years now, so it feels like much longer. I'm always such an optimistic person, but this is the one situation that is taking much more out of me to not feel pessimistic.

Thirty, Flirty & Thriving

I am 30 years old today!

Regrouping

Thanks for the comments on my previous post. I haven't actually taken the Clomid yet, I meant that I took it out of the pharmacy for the next cycle, so I'm not sure why everything was so wonky, and still is. Whatever, there's nothing I can do except make an appointment to see the doctor. I'm going to wait out this cycle, and probably the next because I don't think I have the fortitude to get through Christmas along with the stress of TTC. Maybe 2010 will bring me a miracle?

W...T...F...??!!

I don't know what the hell is going on with my body. To my knowledge, I never ovulated last cycle. Okay, fine. Then, I started spotting two days ago, but it was brown. Fast forward to now, I've been bleeding very lightly, and it is dark brown, and only sometimes red and with clotting. This has never happened to me. To add to that, I have no cramps whatsoever, and my boobs have not been sore at all. Again, not normal for me at all. I have never had a period without horrid cramps since I was 11 years old. What is going on???? I took out the Clomid, but I don't even know if I should bother taking it this cycle since something is obviously out of wack.

I feel like crying.